I'm sure most of us have done the same. It's never easy and nobody enjoys it, but this one hit me hard. Elaine wasn't what I'd call my closest friend. We were close, yes. I'd known her for five years and we had shared a lot. Death is never fair, losing someone never feels right...but I felt the need to share with you some of Elaine's life and hopefully to show you just how wrong this is.
I met Elaine in 2006. I was working at ICT, a call centre here in town, and she was hired shortly after me. One of my group of friends, Shannon, was training Elaine when we were introduced. It will likely come as a surprise to none of you that my first thought was "WOW." Elaine was beautiful, no question. She was blessed with a ready and dazzling smile, lively eyes and a light, uplifting laugh that was not hard to bring about. The other guys in the group were similarly taken aback, but she worked her way into our group and our hearts with ease. She was impossible not to love.
As I spoke with Elaine more and got to know her, I learned that she had had a very difficult childhood. What struck me was how she spoke about it: never complaining, never blaming. It was always just a matter-of-fact statement of what had gone before. I believe in later days she forgave the people who made it so hard, but she never made it an excuse for anything. She was however freely giving of her advice and experience, which she had in spades. Never to look at this petite, doll-like girl would you ever believe the torment she had seen.
I left ICT in March of 2007 but just before I did, Elaine found out she was pregnant. She had been in a relationship with one of the guys at the call centre and she was sure they could raise the baby together. I don't want to turn this into a diatribe or a rant but...I had my doubts, and I was not alone. Regardless we were all sure that Elaine would be a great mother. Briannah was born in September of 2007 and Elaine was indeed a wonderful mother. I stayed in touch with her, Shannon, Devin and Danielle after leaving the centre, in my mind seeing us as friends united by a common foe: ICT.
Then it all fell apart.
In late 2008, while still working at ICT and having just been accepted to college, Elaine was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Those of you with some medical knowledge will know that if there is such a thing as a "less-bad" cancer, it's this one. The success rate on treatment is relatively high and once remission is achieved there is a lower recurrence rate. Those are just empty facts and pointless numbers once it affects you though. Here's a girl in her early twenties, finally getting her life into some semblance of order, and she gets this bomb dropped on her. Many would give up...not Elaine.
No, Elaine fought, and she fought hard. Through all the blood work, the chemo, the stem cell treatment, the hospital stays...Elaine fought. Despite Briannah's father proving everyone right and going off the rails, despite having to watch her daughter go to a series of foster parents while she got treatment, despite being taken for a ride by people that she called friends...Elaine fought. I won't sit here and tell you that she never complained, never contemplated giving up, never lost hope. She did a few times, and those of us who were her friends often despaired that she would not recover this time. But somehow she always found a reason to keep fighting. She finally got out of hospital, went home and tried to resume a normal life again.
Elaine had never been a robust person. The mental and physical strain of the cancer treatments left her susceptible to all sorts of other nasty things. The next couple of years would see her in and out of hospital for various things. A couple of months ago I was in a small car accident and went to hospital to get checked out. That would be the last time I saw Elaine. She was down to a dangerous weight, being fed through tubes and had trouble breathing as the treatments had damaged her lungs. She was still in good spirits, joking and chatting and just like the Elaine of old. And that smile, lighting up that beautiful face...it was still there, and it still warmed my heart.
They took Elaine to a continuing care home a while ago. My travel commitments and the difficulty in getting across town kept me from visiting, but we were in touch often. About a week and a half ago I got the message saying she had been put in a medically-induced coma. Monday, they pulled the plug. I do not blame anyone for that decision; the fight had been lost. The cancer had, I am told, returned with a vengeance. She, like many before her, had succumbed.
As much as I grieve for my friend, it's her daughter that I worry about the most. Elaine's biggest fear was that she would die while Briannah was still young, that she would fade from her daughter's memory as she got older. Half of that fear has been realised. I only hope that whoever ends up taking care of Briannah makes sure the rest doesn't happen.
Elaine, if I can have a tenth of the strength and courage you had in the last 3 years of your life, I will be a happy man. Countless times you brought a smile to my face just by putting one on yours. I told you so many times that you were strong, and you never believed me. I feel now like I lied to you, like I let you down. You didn't win, but that doesn't mean you weren't strong. I hope now you can finally believe me.
It's cliché at times like these to say someone will live on in our memories, but you will always be in my heart. Thank you for all you showed me. I miss you already.
